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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453099">be kind.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/snjeguljica33/pseuds/snjeguljica33'>snjeguljica33</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WTFock | Skam (Belgium)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Love, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:35:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453099</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/snjeguljica33/pseuds/snjeguljica33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>some Robbe's thoughts...</p>
<p>(still no beta, sorry)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robbe was always a quiet kid. Not because he had nothing to say, but simply because it is thought that no one is interested. Consequently left him all the time in the world to closely observe what is happening around him.</p>
<p>At every opportunity he tried to learn something. Especially when he began to realize that the role of him and his mother began to change.<br/>
More and more, he had to take care of her instead of the other way around. He didn't care, Robbe loved her, and he realized that it wasn't her fault that she was ill.</p>
<p>But the highlight of all this agony, was when she had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital and Robbe was left alone.<br/>
His father had long since abandoned them, and now he was trying to force him to come to live with him.<br/>
Robbe was on the verge of firing.<br/>
The only positive thing happened when his father allowed him to live with several friends, at least for a while until his mother recovered.</p>
<p>And as if all this was not enough, he tried to keep up with the pace of his teenage friends, who from afar did not have such problems.<br/>
Crazy parties, light drugs, lots of drinks… and what bothered him most was that he was constantly being pushed into some fast-paced relationships.<br/>
Living fast, as if it were the currency of a life they were just beginning to live.</p>
<p>Although he was always surrounded by friends, he couldn't feel more alone. He didn't seem to be connected like everyone else. He was not in their stories, much less in their relationships with women. It was like he was miles away from everything they did. So he tried to keep himself as reserved as he could.</p>
<p>At one of the many parties that took place almost every weekend, he agreed to kiss that girl, just to draw attention away. Every further intrusion into his life thereafter he sought to minimize it. He knew it wouldn't take long, Noor certainly wasn't stupid…</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>And just like that, that weird morning… „By the way, my name is Sander“ ... the boy he found in the kitchen introduced himself.<br/>
Wow… Robbe doesn't know anything anymore… he just follows him like a robot. He can't take his eyes off him. Blonde hair, sly eyes, full lips, speech… as if he was saying something, but Robbe mostly can't hear…<br/>
They walk around the store and shop. The seemingly silly thing to Robbe now seems like something he could do with him forever. Even now, though he has only known him for an hour or two…</p>
<p>He remembers the rest of the trip as if in a fog. All he constantly follows are Sander's eyes.<br/>
He has a girlfriend. Robbe hates her. He never hated anyone in his life. But when her lips are on Sander's he can't help it. God ... does he need another ordeal? Did he not suffer enough in his short life?<br/>
Still, he couldn't be less dissatisfied. He met a boy who made him wake up, it seems from a hundred-year-old dream.<br/>
Sander ... his name is getting on in his head all the time.</p>
<p>Sander seems to be playing with him. Robbe knows that, but he couldn’t care less. It will follow him to the end of the world.</p>
<p>And after the debacle with Noor, Sander takes him on an overnight ride. With a bad drink in this cold night, Robbe couldn't be happier. As long as there are only two of them, it doesn't matter what they do.</p>
<p>But when Sander brings him to the pool, Robbe is not sure what he intends. Water around them is cold, but Robbe felt that the boy across from him burns with the same flame.<br/>
And when his lips touch Sander's, nothing else matters.<br/>
The world has stopped and there are only two of them in this universe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If he called Sander a dirty fagot, what, then, was he?<br/>Sander didn't force him into anything, they were in that pool together. How could he be so evil? He thought there was no such thing in him. Especially being mean to someone he already loved.</p><p>He knew exactly where that was coming from. He was terrified. Fear drove people to many things, but Robbe did not want to be such a man.</p><p>In all this despair, he tried again with Noor, though he knew in advance that this too was doomed. So on top of all that, he hurt her again.<br/>Now he really touched the bottom.</p><p>First, he went to meet Noor and at least tell her how this didn't work between them.<br/>Now he knew he had to swallow the bitter pill and ask for forgiveness from Sander. He owed him so much, and even if he no longer wanted to have anything to do with him.</p><p>It doesn't really surprise him when Sander turns and goes the other way. Of course, how would he feel if someone had done something so terrible to him?</p><p>As he returns to the parking lot, he looks at a small family playing in the park. Oh how he missed this, because his mother had not always been ill. He lied that they had no family traditions, he had simply forgotten them by now.</p><p>And while feels sadness suffocating him, he hears such a well-known sweet voice, "five minutes ..." What can he say in five minutes? What can he say to erase the pain he inflicted on the blond boy? For what words Sander should trust him again? But he no choice anyway… five minutes… they start now and he talks. He's not even sure what. But Sander's eyes are getting soft and he knows he'll forgive him. He always knew. Because whatever happens to them, Robbe knows that he will forgive him as well. Always and forever.</p><p>When he feels those lips again on his own, nothing that has mattered so far, everything is obliterated. Even when Britt interrupts them, Robbe doesn't care, not really. Fuck Britt, fuck Chernobyl, fuck the whole world…</p><p>They are in his bed, kissing and talking. Delighted with adrenaline rush because they are together again.<br/>When, at one point, Sander talks, Robbe recognizes in him his own sadness and fear, and he is ashamed again for hurting him.<br/>When he sees Britt's message again, Robbe knows that Sander can't just end something that has nothing to do with them, and it lasts who knows how much, but can't hide how insecure he is. After all, it would be paranoid to think that she knew exactly when the two were together. Of course, he goes beyond that, because Sander always knows the right words.<br/>Again the ugly head of jealousy pops up, is Sander still playing with both?</p><p>And the perfect date that Sander would take him to one night would remove all his doubts, but ... a group of bullies can't see their love. In fact, they see nothing but hatred that blinds them, and Robbe already knows in that alley on cold concrete that something has changed and that he has lost him again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey cutie…. I love you…. we have each other ...<br/>Robbe kept thinking of the same words Sander had said in his call this morning. Still, it doesn't matter anymore. Everything has changed.</p><p>Maybe Sander really thinks all that, but Robe knows that from today, everything will go downhill again. He just feels it in his womb. Not just because it hurts him all from last night's attack, but he can guess right now that this has caused more fear in the older boy than in him.</p><p>It wasn't first blow in his life, he was kind of used to them. Only ... this was the kind he didn't know until now. So this was unhappy love? Why again? Why couldn't he have gotten one thing in this world without pain and anguish? He didn't feel well either, and now he doesn't remember the last time he slept for more than an hour.</p><p>The wounds healed, but only the one that opened on his heart was constantly bleeding. And just like that, out of the nowhere, on the wall near where he kept coming, Sander left something unthinkable.<br/>It seems like a blow to the stomach when his gaze falls on the mural across the boardwalk. Deliberately set in all these vibrant colors just in this place where Sander knows Robbe will see it.</p><p>But it's not the worst that hits Robbe. Now he sees himself for the first time with his eyes. Everything that Sander was talking about, more so what he didn't, he put into this drawing.</p><p>Robbe flew into Sander's small world like a fast train and broke all the walls. He lit every corner and pulled him out of the darkness. Out of the darkness where he didn't even know he was staying. Sander's eyes reflected in his eyes. And he could see how much both had changed.</p><p>When he gets home, he looks at the picture for hours. Every moment he sees something new and Robbe knows he's lost. He was lost, however, from the first moment he met him.</p><p>He didn't know what to do with all those feelings and being ignored by the boy he loved. Sander might have an explanation for that, but Robbe couldn't figure it out.</p><p>Jens was supportive as a true friend and never condemned him, but Robbe still felt so alone in all this. He began to understand what Sander was talking about then. We are all alone after all…</p><p>Even when he sent the message, he didn't hope much. Jens was right, everything is better than this torture. If Sander hadn't answered him all day, this was it. Their story ended before it began ... <br/>… then he heard the silent "Robbe ..." and almost stopped breathing.<br/>Neither says anything. Robbe isn't even sure if he doesn't dream all this.</p><p>Sander lowered his lips to his, but Robbe didn't want to prolong the agony ... not until he heard the words "You and me. One hundred percent forever. In every universe. ”And all his insecurity flies out the window, because Sander's hands and lips are all over him…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Morning dawns and Robbe smiles before opening his eyes. But when he reaches out to the other side of the bed, he is again struck by the cold he has been feeling for a long time. Sander is gone. Again.</p><p>Even roommates are not helping their merry goings-on. Sander tears off a piece of his heart every time and takes it with him. Robbe is not sure when he will be able to endure it. But when the blond head peeks into their apartment again, Robbe feels as if the sun has warmed him. His own sun.</p><p>And as careful and loyal as Sander is, Robbe constantly feels that every moment will slip out of his hands. He cannot get rid of some severe blackness that comes from somewhere and threatens to take away the love of his life.</p><p>The night Sander presents him in an apartment so colorful that his head hurts is the most beautiful of his life. Robbe has an older boy in his arms and is ready to swear on anything, forever ...</p><p>… And then… he knew, oh, how he just knew… Sander was gone again. The next time he sees him as they bring him into the hospital car. Britt does not allow to approach him... and the blackness swallows him up, just as he feared it would happen.</p><p>The days after that are hard and black. He wasn't so scared of his illness, as much as Sander didn't trust him enough. <br/>He returned to that wall again, staring at the mural that Sander had left there, trying to understand. He didn't even know what. He was also afraid that everything between them was just a figment of Sander's imagination, or perhaps his own. Did all this actually happen? There were so few happy moments ...</p><p>The only positive thing about all this was the news that the mother was returning home and that at least one thing would return to normal. Robbe accepts every bit of luck, at least a little to distract from this wave of sadness that threatens to swallow him.</p><p>Although he was no longer sure of anything, when all the tears and insecurities had dried up, he decided to try what Senne had suggested to him. After all, he wanted to hear Sander tell him in person, but when Robbe came to the hospital he was gone. And Robbe was overwhelmed by fear he had never felt. What if he lost him forever?</p><p>After the message Sander finally sends, Robbe knows exactly where he is. He runs through the building and as he struggles to find him, images of everything they have gone through come back…<br/>… And then relief when he finally finds him.<br/>He ignores Sander's opposition and pushback, because it doesn't matter anymore. He kisses his hand and quietly says "I'm here, don't worry, He's not alone anymore." <br/>It only matters to him that the older boy understands this, because he really will never let him go as long as Sander wants him.</p>
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